Glenn Martin, DDS (CityTV: premiered October 3, 8:00 PM ET) wastes Kevin Nealon as the title character, a dentist going through a midlife crisis.  His eleven-year-old daughter Courtney (Jackie Clarke) is the definition of corporate.  Teenage Conor (Peter Oldring) is the definition of sexually pent-up.  Dog Canine has a definitive asshole.  Whatever Glenn Martin, DDS is, it’s…definite.

Glenn reads that Singer Park, site of his most cherished childhood memories, is about to be torn down.  After a stock floating-heads nightmare sequence, Glenn cracks and buys an RV.  He rounds up the family and Courtney’s assistant Wendy (Judy Greer), determined to save Singer Park from progress.  Along the way, Glenn destroys his house.  Hilarity fails to ensue.

Glenn Martin, DDS tries to marry its 1970s-era premise with mild 2000s-era shock humour, and the results aren’t pretty.  Glenn Martin, DDS goes for obvious gags – Canine’s bunghole, Segway-riding redneck hippies, the ending where it turns out the Singer Park article is from 2003.  Despite this, the show can’t even out-edge SpongeBob SquarePants, which will be remembered long after Glenn Martin, DDS is cancelled.

Glenn Martin, DDS looks cheap and badly animated.  Juddery animation is a Cuppa Coffee stop-motion trademark, but Glenn Martin, DDS looks amateurish compared to Life’s a Zoo.tv and Rick & Steve.  Seriously, the cartoon looks as bad as the recent Royal Bank of Canada commercials that emulate stop-motion.  I’m amazed Cuppa Coffee brought its B game to such a high-profile cartoon.

Glenn Martin, DDS is a failure for more than just Cuppa Coffee.   Michael Eisner deserves some blame for this show, as Glenn Martin, DDS grew out of Eisner’s friend owning a dog with a distended starfish.  Seriously.

Therein lies the problem with Glenn Martin, DDS.  The creator of The Head and Celebrity Deathmatch is being asked to come up with original programming for the rerun-heavy Nick@Nite.  Eric Fogel isn’t a good fit, even on a network with an Amy Poehler-helmed cartoon.  Eisner’s Tornante Animation has hitched itself to Glenn Martin, DDS‘ fortunes, so the show’s more high-profile than it would be otherwise.

Glenn Martin, DDS is a misfire on every level.  It’s not offensive so much as poorly written and overhyped.  The show should be on another MTV Networks channel, probably Comedy Central.  At least CityTV burns the show off on Saturday nights, although Rogers disguises the fact that Glenn Martin, DDS comes from Nick@Nite.  I’ll wait for more Less Than Kind.