“I Often Get Tired of Being Asked…How Tall I Am.”

Here’s a reminder for all André the Giant fans out there.  Andre: Heart of the Giant just came out today.  Here’s the film’s official trailer:

I don’t link to the trailer to show off the film’s quality.  This thing looks like absolute shit.  I’m just trying to dissuade admirers of André Roussimoff from seeing this film.

Even discounting the fact that this is a shot-on-video (SOV) film, Andre: Heart of the Giant gets everything wrong.  The first fourteen seconds of this trailer are an absolute laugh riot.  Junkyard Dog looks more like Kamala.  There’s a scene with “Sex Addict French Girl.”  Just wait until you see Vince McMahon!

Daniel Gilchrist tries, but he doesn’t look like André the Giant at all.  Matthew McGrory was originally cast as André the Giant but died during filming.  How did McGrory go from House of 1000 Corpses and Big Fish to this?

Only one word comes to mind when watching this trailer: gormless.  Cinematic Titanic needs to riff this, and soon.

Cameron Archer

Owner/Writer at Gloryosky
Cameron Archer runs this site, and is a freelance arts writer. He has contributed to Canadian Screenwriter since 2011. He is a CMG Freelance member.
Cameron Archer